Growing up Christian and the fetish

I grew up Christian fundamentalist (now agnostic) and as a result was forced to repress many aspects of my sexuality. I thought it was a sin to even think about anything that even could ever be sexual at all. Never ever watched p0rn. Didn’t even know how to jerk off, never even tried until about age 17.

When trying to psychoanalyze this fetish, I wonder if it’s only as intense as it is because of how repressed I was. When I was in my early teens I would watch hours and hours of burping videos without knowing it was a sexual thing. I thought it was okay to get a boner to burping because I was never told it was anything sexual. If I got a boner from boobs or something that is sin because boobs are sexual, but burping was okay In my mind, I just thought it was entertaining I guess. I know that sounds so stupid, but when you’re a horny sheltered Christian teen, your mind can make something like that make sense.

Eventually, I realized what a fetish was and spent years in an inner battle trying to quit watching burping videos and praying for God to remove the fetish. Eventually I deconstructed and don’t stigmatize my sexuality anymore. But burping is kinda the only thing that turns me on these days because of the years of it being my only sexual outlet.

From what I read on here, my experience is probably isolated but I thought I’d see if there was anyone else with a similar story.

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I can somewhat relate. I also grew up Christian fundie (now deconstructing I guess, sort of in a limbo).
I can’t remember when my interest in burping (strictly female) started (inspired by Princess Fiona as stupid as it sounds), but at first it wasn’t sexual (or if it was, I didn’t realize it. I didn’t know how to classify it). I first discovered p0rn at 12 after I was sitting at a lunch table with older boys who were talking about boobs. I thought it would be safer for me (less ridicule) to look up when I got back home I started looking at topless and softcore videos, sneaking to the family computer late at night. For a while it was just watching until my body realized how to jerk at around 16.

I guess from an earlier point I learned that open interest in burping was shameful (I got teased from my older sister after I attempted to look at it while everyone was int the family room), so I saw it in spurts before (old yt videos, that shrek burping flash game, random ones from classmates, etc.). I guess the shame I felt from that was compounded with my newfound interest in p0rn, leading to habits that carry over till today.

Maybe I wasn’t as intense and didn’t see the interest in burping as “sinful” or maybe it’s that my p0rn interest was more sinful to me at the time. I’d prayed several times for forgiveness, had prayed that I would stop, tried using covenanteyes, but I kept coming back.

This in part fueled my deconstruction journey (I figured that if I genuinely wanted to stop with this sin (after earnest prayer, getting into my bible, being part of college campus ministry, etc.), God doesn’t want me to sin (and has the power to stop it, then why wouldn’t he make me stop). To this day I still generally have stuck with softcore and burping but dabble in a few other extreme fetishes (non-violent and deal with bodily emmissions).

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I’ve known a few people who have grown up in religious households and a lot of them have similar stories. Even without fetishes, there’s still a lot of shame when it comes to sexuality. The inability to even masturbate without feeling like you’re doing something seriously morally wrong for example. Sexuality is both meaningful to people and harmless to express, and I find it sad that so many people are brought up like that.

When trying to psychoanalyze this fetish, I wonder if it’s only as intense as it is because of how repressed I was.

I’ve thought about that too, and about how strict social rules and restrictions seem to create sexuality. If burping was not considered an impolite, restricted thing, we probably would not be interested in it. But it’s that social restriction that makes it interesting.

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I grew up with a similar background. If you don’t find a heterosexual relationship confined to the tenets of Christian marriage, you were song evil and needed to amend your evil ways. And, that meant it was one man joined to one woman for life, period. However, I had a horrible example of marriage from my adoptive parents. I never saw them hug or kiss or express any terms of endearment. Dad did his job to pay for the household expenses. Mom cleaned the house and had dinner ready on time. When I questioned this, they told me they wouldn’t have stayed together except for their Christian rules and for my benefit, ironically. When I showed interest in girls, they feared the worst. I overheard them talking in the den when I was in the backyard; they agreed that I would do the honorable thing and love a chaste celibate life. But, little did they know that celibacy minus the fetish was my lot in life.

I also faced serious moral issues with other people with the fetish. I mean, the forums and all the online chatting a sharing or burps was sort of an odd “coming out” story. Once people with the fetish shared their burping talent with me, I had to learn not to objectify them as burpers. Once the fetish is disclosed, that’s when the invisible boundaries went up, and I needed to acknowledge and respect those boundaries. I slowly learned NOT to use other burpers in the community to satisfy my cravings.

Do I wish I could pray the fetish away? Yes! Is there anything that arouses me more profoundly than on command burping? No! So, that’s where I find myself today, and I hope you can related to my life experience, and know you are not alone.

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Yeah tbh, the taboo of it is probably what i’m attracted to. I’ve noticed in general women exhibiting non-traditionally female behavior seem to be what i like. Wonder if it would be different if what was seen as “traditional” or “ladylike” was different. Who knows.