I was never sexually active and only really masturbated to burping and not porn. Lately I’ve been starting to have sex with my partner but have trouble maintaining my erection after I get one from her stroking my dick. Everything works as normal when watching burp compilations, and I’m super attracted to my girlfriend and her body and I like everything we’re doing, but my dick has a mind of its own. I don’t know if I’m asexual or what but I never really found porn to turn me on much aside from seeing naked women, and I want to have sex but don’t know what I should be feeling. If anyone’s experienced this problem or has any advice I’d appreciate you sharing your experience.
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The obvious solution here is to try to integrate your fetish into your sex life if you haven’t already. Tell your partner about the fetish and see if that’s something she’d be willing to integrate. If not, it’s worth considering if you’ll feel your needs can be met in this relationship. I think that’s a difficult but common experience for many people here to have.
I think it’s also worth having a more open notion of what sex can be than just PIV penetration. If you find that difficult but enjoy other ways of getting off, try that instead. As a lesbian, lesbian sex can be a lot more “taking turns” than traditional straight sex and that might be a model worth considering for yourself. Ultimately, don’t worry about not knowing “what you should be feeling.” You just need to see what feels good for your body and what feels good for your partner’s body and find the middleground where you can both be happy, even if that doesn’t look like the kind of traditional relationship you might expect. And just communicating all of these feelings to your partner is really important if you haven’t already.
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I’ve not found most porn to be arousing either, but that’s because of the obvious artifice to it. I much prefer homemade content where the people fucking actually have chemistry and aren’t obviously performing for the camera and/or a certain gaze.
What would you like for your girlfriend to do to you? What would you like to do to her? Kinda piggybacking off of what was already said, sex doesn’t need to look one way. Maybe you prefer blowjobs to PIV. Maybe she prefers riding you to missionary. You should have a talk about what does turn you on, both of you.
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It’s a difficult matter to be truthful with outsiders about what this fetish means, especially when it’s pleasures exceed conventional sexual expression. It makes me glad that Alfred Hitchcock made the movie Vertigo. It very clearly articulates what it is like when someone places conditional demands on a romantic partner to be a certain way and do certain things. That’s why I have always kept my fetish a secret.
was not expecting a Vertigo reference here lol
It’s a movie I think about with my own sexual anxieties too
But I feel like “conditional demands” feels too broad an analysis. I think it’s totally fine to share your fantasies with your partner and that doesn’t mean you’re trying to turn them into someone else. I don’t think we’d treat non-fetish things with that same scrutiny. It might be weird to pressure your partner to recreate specific videos or something like that, but for me, part of the excitement of sharing my fetish with my sexual partners is getting to see how they want/choose to integrate it and make it a little bit their own. If you’re doing it right, it should feel like a conversation
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There’s a lot of wisdom in that.
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Thank you, I appreciate the responses and insight. I have told her about the fetish and sadly she is not able to burp, which I’m fine with, I just don’t want that be a need for me in relationships. I’ll talk to her about trying different things to satisfy each other as we both want to figure this out.
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I wish you the best man
Hey man I deal with something similar, my advice to you is take it less as a curse and more as a blessing man. Just think about the fact that you’ll never be a two pump chump, there’s power in that 