I honestly have 1001 farting stories to share, and then some.
If you haven’t read my initial post, I have some undiagnosed stomach issue. I might have IBS but it acts differently than normal in that it comes and goes. Sometimes I’m able to eat things I shouldn’t but then other times it hits me, and when it hits me it hits me HARD. I also have some slight insulin issue that’s not actually diabetes but somewhat like diabetes so I have to eat a special Mediterranean diet these days.
I’ll keep updating this post with old stories every now and then. I don’t have allll the time in the world to write everything down. Also my memory by now has been a little vague but the most embarrassing stories are ingrained in my memory. If you ask me questions it might jog my memory. I have dyslexia so please bear with me if I confuse something or say one thing but mean the other.
My older cousin is about ten years older than me. You would think she is a boomer from the way I would describe her personality. She’s very much someone who believes in strict gender roles like “a guy does this” or “only girls do that” and whatever else. It’s frankly annoying a fuck so we have gotten into some fights about it but we still love each other and tolerate each other.
Last year she offered to get me dinner for my birthday, and then do whatever afterwards. We went to a Mexican retaurant and she’s the kind of boomer personality who constantly nags like “you gotta eat you gotta eat” but then on the flipside says shit like “you ate too much what are you doing? you’re too fat”
This was around the time I started to get more serious about my diet because I didn’t want to fuck it up and develop actual diabetes. I first only had soup but she kept saying “But what are you going to eat? I’m not going to cover dinner just for you to have soup you need to eat” so I said fine and had a burrito.
I don’t even need to emphasis where this is going.
We go back to her place because I parked my car there. I asked to use her bathroom because I suddenly felt that this one was those times where my condition was hitting me HARD. Her apartment isn’t very big. I go to the bathroom and managed to sit down before one of the loudest fucking farts I ever had erupted out of me. This was “toilet bowl echo” levels of eruption. A good five seconds maybe but because it was loud as fuck and bassy it felt longer.
immediately after I finished farting, my cousin shouted, “WHAT THE HELL? THAT WAS SO GROSS!”
cue my cheeks turning red.
When I left the bathroom she would not stop talking about it. She said things like “Are you okay? That was VERY loud. Why are you farting so loud?” as if I were able to control it or something, you know? She should know about my condition but it doesn’t really stick to her. And even said like “You shouldn’t be farting so loud. What’s wrong with you?”
Situations like that make me embarrassed for two conflicting reasons - I’m secretly turned on by my gas and also the shame my older cousin constantly makes me feel about stuff like that. I don’t really say anything and just mumble because I feel shut down trying to say anything to defend myself.