I really need help or advice desperately

I’m sorry I’m not sure what category I should post this in so I put it in a couple of them, and I’m so so sorry if that’s bad etiquette please let me know and I’ll fix it as soon as I get the warning. I just desperately want people that may be able to offer advice or be able to help me see this…

Hey lovely people :blush: it’s been a long time since I’ve posted any new content but it’s me, Courtney from Thy Fetish Kingdom. If you’ve heard of me then you know I have a studio on clips4sale, studio #95095, and if you know me you’re probably wondering why I haven’t posted any new clips, let me tell you the reason is very hard for me to talk about. First let me just say how much I really miss posting videos. It gave me confidence, confidence I had been lacking my entire life. Confidence that is now so far gone I can’t even remember what it felt like. Lately I have been, feeling so, just, hideous and because of that along with so many other reasons I’ve been feeling really alone and desperate to relieve this deep depression. And I can’t even begin to put into words how much I wish this feeling would go away, sometimes I wish I just wouldn’t wake up when I fall asleep at night. So I guess it’s an understatement when I say that I’ve been really, really depressed. Even though I’m desperate for a steady income, the only videos I think I could bring myself to upload right now are crying videos. But I’m even too depressed to do that. It’s a long story that involves my mate of over six years leaving me due to him not being attracted to me anymore, and it’s all because of my teeth, a tiny bit is the fact I’ve gained a little bit of weight but honestly my teeth he says are what made him stop wanting me and looking for someone he wants. My teeth are so embarrassing and even more painful, to be honest right now I couldn’t ever imagine posting another burping clip again. Or any clip for that matter. I can barely see the screen through my tears and my head hurts so bad from crying for so long and hard that my vision is blurry so if I’m not making the most sense or if I’m not as well written as I normally would be I’m sorry, but I still feel like God is telling me to tell my friends, you guys seemed to actually care about me, you guys got my back when someone tried to trade stories for my clips one time and I’ll never forget how good it felt having people stand up for me like that, people that respected me and felt I had some worth even, unlike I have right now. Anyways I have been in so much pain from tooth aches in the last few years and now more than ever. I recently had to be admitted to the hospital because my whole face swelled up so badly in a matter of minutes and quickly got so bad they wouldn’t let me leave the hospital because they said the infection was less than a day or so from passing the “ocular barrier” and making it’s way into my brain which would most likely kill me. So I spent 4 nights on intravenous anti biotics until they finally let we leave. On top of the constant excruciating pain, I was in a domestic violent situation, quite a few of them but one situation in particular I ended up being struck in the mouth and face around 7 times and now it’s very obvious that I’m missing teeth in the front of my smile well my frown. One of my two front top teeth and one of my front lower got broken to the gum and another one right on the other side of my only front tooth, got loosened during the altercation and recently a couple weeks ago came the rest of the way out, and I don’t think there has ever been anything that has broken me as much as this, the way I feel so ugly now, the way people judge me, I’ve been called druggy I don’t even know how many times since this happened. I’m no druggy, I do smoke weed a good amount but that’s legal in my state and I don’t even smoke everyday. I don’t drink alcohol because I’m intolerant, and never ever do hard drugs, so being judged like this hurts so bad. I’ve applied for countless jobs just to be turned down everytime and I’m positive it’s because of my teeth. You can see them switch off like they are waisting their time as soon as I open my mouth to talk. My mom past recently and it’s so devastating not only because I loved her so very much, but because she was my rock, anytime I needed mental support she was there and not just emotionally but financially she was there for me. Had this happened when she was still alive I’m sure she would have done anything she could to help me, even though she wasn’t rich by any means. Right now I only have state insurance and they just keep pulling the ones that hurt and since this has been a constant problem my whole life due to my teeth having bad enamel and to be perfectly honest never really being good at taking care of them which is another reason my mom always would try to help me with dental work because she felt so bad for not ever asking me to brush my teeth growing up, not one time. I know it’s my fault too and I hate myself for it so much. I’d do anything in the whole world to go back in time and I’d take such good care of my teeth. On top of not taking good care of them and having bad enamel I also had a double set of the teeth that vampires have longer I forget the name of them but I had 4 of those instead of two and was always made fun of. I’ve hated my teeth my whole life, and by 10 years old I already had 7 teeth pulled due to being too bad to even save. I don’t know what to do, I’m at a point of desperation I’ve tried starting a go fund me with not one donation, aside from some guy I didn’t know breaking my heart by messaging me telling me he wanted to donate one Bitcoin and he said it was worth like 8 thousand or something and told me to sign into some website to get it and I tried and tried but it kept telling me to verify the link they sent but it would never send one and when I told the guy he just never answered me again. I can’t even begin to tell you how badly that hurt me. I’ve tried emailing and calling every dentist in my area. Most don’t even respond, one though told me about this program where 1000 dentists each choose one person a year to do a full mouth makeover and I got my friend to nominate me and she wrote a beautiful letter and we never heard anything back. It’s called halo dental and I was thinking maybe if more than one person could nominate me, like all of you amazing friends of mine, I don’t know maybe they would choose me, or maybe if any of you have any clue how to make a GoFundMe that actually gets donations. I know it’s a lot to ask I’m sorry. I just don’t know where or who else to turn to and I’m at my last hope, I don’t want to hurt physically or emotionally anymore. I’d rather just not exist sometimes. Anyways I’m sorry for this huge long novel but this is the first time I’ve felt hopeful in well ever when it comes to my my teeth. Okay I’m done, please just let me know if any of you have any idea what I might be able to do. Oh and I forgot to say why I can’t just get dentures for free if the state even still does that, it’s because if you look up what happens if you get just dentures with no implants to trick your jaw into thinking it still needs to provide nutrients to your teeth than your jaw just shrinks and disappears and with in ten years I would have that old lady witch chin. And that’s not what I think would me feel or look better. Love you guys and my name is Courtney Blomeen-Maeurer since if you nominate me you’ll need it. You can also Google me and see me on monsters inside me season five episode 8 weird I know, I’ve never given my real name but there you guys go, you are my friends and now you know me for real. My email is courtneyroseallisonistfk@gmail.com
I’m all in
I love you guys
Love :two_hearts: Courtney

there is a lot to unpack here. all I will say is I hope you feel better soon and please edit this post to delete your real name, this place is not what you want to be associated with if you’re talking about nominations, better try to get charity from somewhere sfw like reddit.
what I can offer you that is constructive is maybe consider switching to audio roleplay, it is very undeserved in this fetish. maybe get comfortable recording your voice and do some non camera audio stuff like that. a few ideas might be:

gassy housewife
gassy coworker
gassy traffic cop giving a ticket

or just some casual chit chat while you burp. I can ensure you if your burps are still up to snuff a lot of people will enjoy.
don’t feel like you need your face on cam to make content. you could rebrand yourself on manyvids or onlyfans as a voice channel. I don’t mean to sound insensitive, I think this is just the best piece of advice I could give you in this context.

Wow I never thought of that at all actually. Are there other girls that do that successfully you think? Thank you so much for that idea. And do you really think I should remove my real name I feel like I couldn’t ask anyone to take the time to even care at all if I’m not willing to be totally honest and when it comes to shame, I am not ashamed of being associated with this forum or anything to do with the burping fetish :slight_smile: I actually feel proud to have people that think I’m worth a darn because the people that would judge me for it sure don’t care about me. And I’ve actually had my dad nominate me already, not sure if I already said that in the post but they never even took the time to tell me they didn’t choose me. I can’t help but wonder if this part of me could possibly make me stand out in the crowd, do you think that’s silly, I really don’t know now, but something tells me that anything is better than what I’ve been able to figure out without being totally honest about who I am :slight_smile: I’m just another person wanting their teeth fixed but maybe thanks to all you amazing friends of mine, I’m more than just another nominee, but again I’m very likely totally disillusioned so please give me your two cents on this, if you don’t mind :slight_smile: and thank you so much for your advice if it’s ok. I’d love to privately message eachother so you could help me figure that out, that is if you have the extra time, I totally understand if you are too busy. No matter what I really appreciate you for responding. Everyone’s been so amazing and I feel loads more hopeful since posting this.

Ok I will be blunt, any nominee they’re going to select will be googled to ensure they’re not associated with anything unbecoming, your name popping up on this site would be disqualifying, and on our end people definitely don’t want to get involved with charity stuff because it sounds very scammy, no offense but you ask if you’re disillusioned, on that subject you definitely are. I can talk to you about some suggestions for the audio roleplay stuff in a private message if you’d like.

How about some regular work just as an employee of some place? That kind of work can reduce stress since it’s regular and predictable income. Fixing teeth can be expensive but not impossibly so and wouldn’t take too long saving your money if you’re careful with it.

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I would like that a lot if you could help me with that. And okay,.if you really think i should take it down I will. But even though I will take it down the thing I’m talking about is a little different than your average charity in fact it’s not really a charity because no one can donate at all, the only people doing any charity are the thousand dentists that do one charity act to one person each. No one pays them they do it for free that’s the only charity part about this program. And I have watched a lot of the dentist that started it and it’s actually called halo dental network here’s the link if you want to check it out and tell me after if you still feel the same way at least if you don’t mind that is :slight_smile: at least you and anyone else that’s curious and skeptical maybe will see it’s not scammy or suspicious in anyway at all :slight_smile:
https://halodentalnetwork.org/
anyways the main dentist, the original dude has you tube videos and some have People that were chosen and it talks about why and if I remember right one chick got it because she was clean off pain pills or something and another guy actually got involved through Steve O from the wild boys and if he was googled I bet a lot worse than burping comes up if you look for it. That’s why I was thinking the fact I’m involved with this and even the fact I’ve been on the TV show monsters inside me might make the YouTube video he may make if I was to be chosen more interesting and I was hoping that would make me stand out ya know. Because as it is my story was not at all enough even as sad as it is, I’m sure of it because my dad and my friend both nominated me and both wrote really good letters explaining what they thought of me and why I deserved it along with my sad life story well a tiny itty-bitty bit of it but trust me more than enough, even more than what I put in my original post here, and after reading them I was close to being almost confident and it seemed like I could really be chosen. I was so excited and really truly hopeful but still months later and I never have heard anything at all. I used to imagine the moment they would call or email and tell me that I was chosen and I can’t even explain how amazing it would be the best most wonderful exciting moment of my entire existence but deep down everytime I would think about it my excitement would end abruptly and deep down I knew from the start that my life has been the same throughout it and that’s just the facts, I don’t win on scratch tickets, at the casino, I’ve never won a raffle, or been the whatever number caller to the radio station to win whatever tickets or cool stuff, that just isn’t meant for me… and I can’t help but wonder if that’s because I never put my neck out and bet big or bought more than one raffle ticket, or even just kept redialing until the radio station didn’t have a busy signal, so this time I wanted to try something different and not just hope and pray I get chosen I want to open their eyes to me and get their attention and maybe being a part of this community is exactly what could do it. I’ve never lied when someone asks me about my sources of income, doing taxes is always a hoot lol and usually if not always actually, they get a kick out of it. And some even want to try to do it themselves I’m not even kidding I’ve had a police officer write down clips4sale and I guarantee it wasn’t for a friend to try to make a studio she wanted to try I could tell, Plus, I don’t jump right to explaining all the clips I’ve filmed in detail lol I might even say “and you can do it clothed of course” :slight_smile: their always like I can burp I have to explain to them at that time that it takes more than a couple little burps to make good videos , and I almost always challenge them to a burping contest if they say that they are good and of course if they accept my challenge, well let’s just say they understand a little more why I choose to film burping clips rather than focusing on some of the other categories, lol

I keep going to interviews and even go in believing this time will be different, but it’s always obvious they aren’t doing anything but staring at my teeth or lack of :frowning: especially if it’s one of the customer service positions I’ve interviewed for, I understand they don’t want to have me looking like this with no teeth it would probably be bad for business actually I’m certain it would be. I just recently did get hired as a fair housing tester though but I think everyone got hired lol and it’s only gonna be like a couple hours a week on the phone and for 16 an hour…she said to consider it like volunteer work that you just happen to get paid for. Still it will look good on my resume after I’ve done it for a while. And I don’t have to be ashamed of myself cuz it’s on the phone only :slight_smile: also as soon as I get a more gas efficient and reliable vehicle that has more than an e brake to stop itself then I’m going to get cheap insurance and try doing door dash or Uber eats. Has anyone tried that

Ive done doordash and it seems to work out pretty well for me. Its a fairly easy job and you can do it on your own time. Also once you get youre content back up and running, I’d be happy to give you a shout out on my burping insta if that somehow could bring business your way. Ive had some creators be supportive of me so i need to pay it forward.

Perhaps if you take your name down, but people could dm you for it if they want to help nominate you…?

Hopefully employers aren’t allowed to factor in physical appearance to getting a job, isn’t that discriminatory?

And finally, though it may not sound helpful, when you become so self conscious of a physical flaw, we tell ourselves that others will be looking at it as much as we do, and judging us as much as we do ourselves. However, that’s usually not anywhere near accurate. It’s hard to accept reassurance on this, I know. But if you start challenging your own thoughts in this way, over time, it will help. Have a look at CBT self help techniques to challenge negative automatic thoughts. It might help get a bit of confidence back to help you get by again.

Sorry you’ve had such a rough time.

Ma’am get a job like the rest of us, the discrimination from lack of teeth is all in your head.

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Applying for jobs and getting rejected is a soul crushing experience for pretty much everyone that doesn’t have a stable income and not being in a good mental place to begin with certainly doesn’t make it any easier, but if you keep applying you’ll find something eventually.

This is very basic advice, but it always helps having a friend that works there put in a word for you and generally looking for jobs you have previous experience with or for those that don’t require it.

If you still want to make fetish content but aren’t comfortable showing your face you can try making videos where you only show your body as other models have done successfully - love2burp and Pretty Perfect Circles are 2 that come to mind.

And as a side note, there’s also a former mfc model with a similar dental situation that got a lot of likes & comments on some burp videos she shared on tiktok and I remember people constantly asking for them once her acc got banned/ she removed them.

I also agree with Kimble that people generally don’t care about our physical flaws as much as we think they do and with the amount of people that develop some sort of health condition until they’re 30 I think that at one point most people learn to empathize and not make life more difficult for others than it already is.

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