Been dating this girl for a few months but we’re both busy and live kind of far apart so I don’t get to see her all the time. Anyways, we have a great time together but she doesn’t burp around me, and I’m not sure if she really burps much at all to begin with. I’ve seen her inaudibly swallow burps but only once, after chugging sparkling wine, have I heard a small burp come from her. One time the topic organically came up and she basically told me her body shuts down all bodily functions in the presence of a romantic partner, at least until deep into the relationship. It was really dismaying, ngl, which is why I’m writing this post. Our sex is still good right now, I think mostly because of how infrequently we see each other, but it does feel like there’s something missing and I’m not sure how sustainable this dynamic is long term.
This has been a problem for as long as I’ve been sexually active and only now that I’m a bit older have I really begun to come to terms with it. The problem that can arise from a fetish is similar to that of conventional porn addiction: you mentally condition yourself to become aroused by a very specific stimuli, and then your entire sexual arousal becomes more oriented around that stimuli (loud burps, in this case) than traditional sex itself. Maybe not more oriented, but at least inexorably bound up in a way that doesn’t lend itself to normal, functioning, sustainable sexual relationships.
So, I mostly wrote this to vent, but I am curious to know if others are experiencing this. If so, have you tried to recondition your desires by abstaining from the fetish, or should we just hope to get lucky by meeting someone who can fulfill it for us?
The facts are that most of developed this fetish very, very young. I remember being hypnotized by female cartoon characters burping in shows before I could read. You’re unlikely to get rid of it.
“Porn addiction” has yet to even reach a clinical consensus outside of studies funded by NoFap, which is a huge self-help industry. Things like “escalation” seem to be absent in the data, from what I understand. People mostly stick with what they started with. In our case, that means the fetish probably ain’t going away.
I’d say you either need to confess to this girl and see if she’ll do it for you, or just accept that you’re not getting as much out of it as you could be.
I think the best thing to do, as with most situations, is to be totally honest without guiding towards some expected goal. You have a problem and you should tell your partner about it so you can have a conversation. She might not be able to burp for you and you shouldn’t tell her in the hopes that she will, but it seems like your fetish is an important part of your sexuality and it seems like telling her about your fetish and your feelings could only help to decide what you want to do next. It’s possible that telling her will help her open up and feel comfortable burping around you or its possible that she’ll tell you that’s just not something she can really do much with, but either way the two of you will understand where you stand on that.
I’ve done a lot of analysis into why I’m even into this fetish, and fundamentally it has a lot to do with how I perceive attraction to begin with. It is very ingrained, and intertwines with what else I find attractive about bodies and people in general. Abstaining from it would be like abstaining from any other sexual stimuli that seems to make up my sexuality as a whole. In my case, males are just naturally a lot more open about bodily functions, especially non-fem gay men, and it’s almost just expected that it’s gonna happen often. I can definitely see how social norms and standards and what is seen as “lady-like” could be a major problem for hetero fetishists. But it does depend on an individual’s personality as well, as far as being comfortable enough with themselves and comfortable enough around you to actually partake in it (even unintentionally).
I’m not sure what would work for you. And everyone has this fetish for a lot of reasons. If your reasons are anything like mine, abstaining will not work.
I dated a girl who couldn’t burp, but she wanted to learn how because it would make her feel better and she was curious.
I just started dating a girl who can’t burp on command but because she knows I have the fetish she wants to learn and get better. I find that a turn on, watching the progression. Im also able to satisfy some of my urges by burping around her. She wants to please me and she is happy being dominated. If your partner is more dominant you can frame it like, I am weak against burping, use it to control me. In any case let her know that it’s a big part of your sexuality. If you are confident about it she will be too.
I frame my burping/farting fetishes as an appreciation of all of someone, even the “unpleasant parts”, and a sort of primalism. This can be reaffirming to someone, to know that things they do that they thought were unattractive are seen as beautiful by their loved one. Additionally it can lead to animalistic ravenous sex. Some people are just not ready to engage with complex sexualities however, or being freaky lol, so it’s good to communicate.
Can I ask something but feel free to ignore. Does it stem from you more attracted to the fetish and less to other aspects. It got me thinking that, because you mentioned:
Maybe the thing that’s missing is the openness with the fetish. Are you willing to maybe let her know a bit? Not so bold like “Hey I have a burp fetish”. But More like saying that you are feeling good when a female you’re close with, feeling free with bodily functions. That’s the only thing she needs to know. But it’s crucial in the right context like; maybe sit for a beer together, maybe stemming from a funny story… I don’t know, improvise. But the most important thing in the end, is that you are not hiding parts of sexuality in a romantic relationship because it impacts. She will be happy but you stay unfulfilled. Hope it’s clear and hope things will get better for you.
Thankfully, I am aroused about burps, but the other common stimuli are so great like the burp fetish, i am not dependent from burping to have pleasure with a woman. Most of my girlfriend didnt burp around me, or just small burps, or even didnt like the fetish. Even with that our sex was incredible. I even passed many months without fap for burp fetish, even didnt remember it
That’s exactly how I see it as well. I’ve tried to dig at why, and for me it’s like a deep intertwining of analyzing how the body works, appreciating it, and the brain forming an odd pathway that eroticizes it as one. It’s almost like a different more intimate perspective on attraction.
actually, this is almost exactly what you should say. I don’t get why so many people here are so averse to just being open and direct with their partners…
Replying en mass here, but thanks for the feedback guys - I really do appreciate it. I do think y’all are correct in that healthy sexual relationships require openness, especially with regard to things that are integral to your sexuality, which for me does happen to be this fetish. With that being said, I brought up abstention not as a means of getting rid of the fetish, which I know isn’t possible, but rather with the intention of working towards a more balanced libido in the spirit of the no-fap philosophy. I still masturbate to burp videos, but way less frequently than I used to and I think it has made a legit difference in loosening my reliance on burps to sexually perform. Healthy balance is important in general I guess, fetish or no fetish.
That’s always a possibility but if someone breaks up with you simply for having this fetish, they weren’t the right person for you anyways. I think you’re better off telling either way if its something integral to your sex life
Idk, it’s hard to pin down sometimes. I wouldn’t necessarily say burping is like the prime quality I’m attracted to, which is evident in that I still can and want to have sex with women I find physically attractive, but the inclusion of burping (specifically, if she naturally burps around me) is what makes elevates my desire and makes it whole, if that makes sense. Probably a pretty common sentiment that others share here. But I think you’re right in that just being open and not hiding things would be beneficial no matter what.
Because it could come off a bit creepy, as it’s not a common one like foot fetish.
If they are someone that is special to them, whom they afraid to lose, it’s challenging. That’s why I suggested saying it in the right context and saying it more delicate. Just because truth is gradual doesn’t mean it’s a lie.
I might be uniquely qualified to respond to this since last year I challenged myself to abstain from fetish content for the 40 days of lent. And that kind of kicked off a year-long journey of sexual discovery but ultimately I don’t think that abstience was that helpful. Ultimately, what’s helped me start to move past my shame is just being open, and through the openness, get to have experiences with people who understand my fetish and integrate it into part of my normal life rather than being my most closely guarded secret. I totally get not wanting to rely on burping content if it’s affecting your ability to perform, but I also think it’s important not to repress or shame yourself and I feel like, even on this forum, shame is something we reinforce and internalize in how we treat this fetish as something to hide and obscure.
I accept the opinion that my spouse can’t be all things (for me) any more than I can be all things (for them). I likewise don’t regard any particular outcome as a preconditon for our intimate, unclothed time to be “sex”. It’s just nice to touch and be touched for a while. At some later time, I’ll masturbate to something that is professionally made or impossible (like a supercut). (And they, likewise will take care of themselves during other times of the week.) So, no, I don’t think that nothing or perfection are the only situations I can achieve.
I’ll grant, though, that my spouse isn’t super comfortable with the imbalance in outcome between us. Very probably, they feel my abdication belies a negative judgement about them. So, it may well be unsustainable.