i’ve been dating this lovely woman, she’s perfect on basically every front.
the other day we were talking about our fetishes, and she shared hers and i shared mine (this one, obviously). i’m not really into the things she likes, but i’ll do it for her anyway because i care about her and want to make her happy.
the troubling thing is, she:
- doesn’t like burping (not fearful of it, just is embarrassed by it)
rarely ever burps, and when she does they’re silent
- has GERD which causes stomach acid to burn her throat
- won’t even fake burp, as it reminds her of her GERD (and says that would be even more difficult than real burping)
- can’t burp on command anyway (i suggested trying soda or something but it didn’t sound like she’d give it a try)
i love her and still want to be with her, but it kinda sucks that i’ll never be able to experience my fetish first hand.
does anybody have any advice as to what i can do? i can’t be the only one out there in this predicament.
i don’t want to force her to do anything she doesn’t want to do, but, IDK, are there any suggestions you might have to possibly have her change her mind, you know, to at least give it a try?
any help on this would be highly appreciated.
In my experience, it’s not impossible for someone to change, but it’s unlikely. I’ve known a couple of people who considered burping to be totally unacceptable but then later changed their minds. But it seems that the majority of people are either okay with it or not and stay like that.
Maybe if you’re very gentle with her about it, make it an almost non-sexual thing. Some kind of ‘you did it, that’s cute’ rather than talking about being turned on etc. In some time she might change her mind after she realises it makes you happy and it’s not actually harming anyone.
How sexual she is in general might also be something to consider. Humans seem to be pretty variable in that regard. Sometimes if someone is just naturally not a very sexual person, everything sexual will feel uncomfortable, fetishes or not.
thanks for the quick reply, Q.
a few more things to add. she believed she was asexual throughout her entire life up until the point where she met me, she now says she’s demisexual.
with that being the case she’s pretty open to talking about sex (our relationship is long distance so we can’t do it yet), and doesn’t get bothered if i share my other dirty thoughts with her.
i’ve explained to her that it’s my primary fetish, and that nearly everything i’ve jacked to has been burping content. i also said that vanilla sex is still okay, and that she can burp when we’re alone and that i’m totally fine with it (and said it would instantly turn me on).
i also said that if she did i wouldn’t be bothered by it. if we’re out in public or with family, yeah, it would be embarrassing. but alone together it would be amazing.
i would say her burps were cute if she did burp, yeah (i haven’t heard any, though, and probably never will, sadly). it would likely be my natural response to it (aside from saying how hot it is)
after telling her how much it turns me on, IDK if i can make her see it differently, as in, “it’s cute, not necessarily hot”
Yeah, this is a tricky one. I think it’s perhaps made a bit more difficult by being long distance? I think if you have a safe space for sex and being sexual together, it can make it easier to introduce new things together. Putting pressure on it won’t help, not only because I know I can’t really burp when I feel under pressure or uncomfortable, so I think it would just need to be introduced slowly and with no pressure. Maybe start once sex is a safe space by asking her to talk about it to you during sex, like “I bet you’d love it if I burped in your face” or “I’ve got all this trapped gas, I wish I could just burp and get it all out” or something she’s comfortable with. And see if she realises how it can be something she can use to turn you on, and it may allow you to gradually move forward with it to including soda in the bedroom just in case it makes her burp, then maybe more purposefully she could choose to use it to burp for you. That’s worked for me in the past.
thanks for your help, kimble. your post gives me hope.
when the time is right i’ll bring it up to her again and respond back to this thread with how it went
hmm, no. sad day today. she said talking about any of it is a turn off.
Sounds like it depends on how big a deal this is to you, or if she is open minded for you to fulfill your fetish elsewhere. It’s not a fair expectation for her needs to be met and yours not to be, but her putting a boundary up isn’t mean spirited I’m sure. So maybe have that convo.
If she isn’t willing to budge on any of it then she may not be for you. Trust me, good sex life and being comfortable is way more important than just looks in the long run.
thanks for the reply.
it is very important to me, but it would be selfish to leave her solely for that reason. we have a good connection with virtually everything else, which goes beyond looks.
unfortunately it doesn’t seem like she’s very open minded in that regard. she did say that her fetishes don’t need to be met, but i know they make her feel good inside so i’ll do it anyway. i don’t feel that she’s doing this to be mean spirited, i just think she never wants anything to do with it and just won’t budge at all.
outside of that, i’m thinking our sex life will be good, and i know that on all other things we’re pretty comfortable with each other.
i know she can’t help feeling that way towards burping, but it is depressing nonetheless
The importance of sexual compatibility and fetish preferences in a relationship is a personal decision that varies from person to person. However, in my opinion, it is essential to have a partner who is comfortable and open to exploring your sexual desires. Having a fulfilling sexual relationship is a significant aspect of a healthy and satisfying partnership.
From my experience, being with a partner who is not open to exploring sexual desires always left me feeling like something was missing. As such, it is not unreasonable to consider ending a relationship if sexual compatibility is a critical factor for you.
The decision to prioritize sexual compatibility in a relationship ultimately comes down to individual values and the extent to which one is willing to compromise.
Best of luck!
thanks, i appreciate your thoughts on the matter and will keep your experience in mind.
after talking with her further about this it sounds like she will never give it a chance. i suggested the idea of mixing our fetishes together but she said it would ruin the experience for her. unfortunately it grosses her out to the point she’d prefer we never discuss it, so i think i’m pretty much out of luck.
i mentioned that, since my fetish bothers her this much, i’ll try my best to suppress my desire for it, which honestly feels virtually impossible due to the insane euphoric feelings it gives me. i won’t bring it up to her anymore, but it’s sure going to suck to never have fun this way.
she did, albeit hesitantly, give me the go-ahead to continue jacking off to burping videos of other girls, but it would make me feel guilty to do so, and i said i’d try suppressing that urge anyway.
a small ray of hope: she did say that a sore throat will sometimes cause her burps to be more audible, but i obviously don’t want her to suffer so i can get my rocks off, and burp-french-kissing sounds like not the best idea if she’s sick (if she’s even feeling up to it, being sick after all).
maybe a blowjob could work, but considering she said they’re always accidental, i figure a kiss is quicker to do than pulling out my dick
Because you guys are long distance and havent had sex, combined with that fact that she just found out she wasnt asexual and indeed attracted to you id say nothing is out of the question. However you do need to take things slow and understand when no means no, im not advocating to force your preferences on her but i also think a give and take is only fair in a relationship. Its fantastic that you want to oblige with her fetishes to make her happy, and hopefully she feels the same for you. A happy sex life isn’t everything but it is a vital part of a relationship. However sacrifices do have to be made and besides preference having something like GERD could defiently make any gastrointestinal feelings much more negative. Id say for now focus on the things that make both of you happy. Put the relationship first and as you two progress maybe you can hint at in now and again but it cant be the only thing you focus on. It sounds like youve got a pretty level head and want to make this girl happy. I wish both of you a fruitful and fantastic relationship, i hope you can find some middleground too for the sex stuff
Yeah. For now it seems that you need to put it on hold. Maybe bring it up down the line after you guys have been in person together and have more sex together. Hounding her now over and over won’t change her mind, it seems.
thank you both for your replies!
we are focusing on things that make us happy, and our relationship is otherwise still great. i have always approached things to her in a gentle, gradual manner, and the few times she wasn’t happy i stopped right away (this fetish is a bit of an exception, just because i needed clarification on certain points, like if fake burping could still work). i think that, yeah, once we’ve been having sex for some time and feel more comfortable in-person with eachother, the subject could be gradually brought back up again.
i was talking with a friend earlier about kink incompatibilities in a relationship and they too agreed with your points. they said that, with time, and by taking things slowly, middlegrounds have tended to appear for them, so there could still be hope one day in my situation. just because right now she won’t give it a chance doesn’t mean that will be the case in the future!
they had also suggested looking into relationship therapy, even if things are going fine, just to improve understanding and properly deal with conflicts between the two of us (even a 1 on 1 session with me and a therapist could work). i haven’t yet looked into this but have kept it in the back of my head as well.
and either way i’m not leaving her just because of our kink incompatibilities – she’s too good for me already, lol, and on top of that she’s still open to the idea of sex which is wonderful in its own right
we’re likely to see each other several months from now, but within this year. i’ll keep this thread bookmarked and will report back with further progress on this.
thanks again for your help, everyone
scratch everything, we broke up. we never ended up meeting in person anyway. we didnt break up because of this, and i actually forgot about this when weighing my reasons for leaving
after i initially brought this up to her neither one of us mentioned it since. anything related to sex was instantly an uncomfortable topic, but it moreso had to do with her being hyposexual. her fetishes were never a problem for her and were brought up from time to time
now anything having to do with my fetish, or anything sex-related in general, makes me extremely uncomfortable and i feel like i’ve pretty much abandoned all of it at this point. maybe it’ll be different later but almost a month since splitting, it hasn’t made a difference. like i said, even after the point from my last message here (while we were still dating), anything sex gives me nothing but depression, so fuck everything i guess
thanks to everyone for trying to help. Concerned-Cactus out
Dude, I know this won’t be what you want to hear… you need therapy. Not an insult. You need to address why this is the case for you and be able to work on yourself. Fetish or no fetish, the way you describe your mental health when discussing sex is a bit unstable and extremist.
I hope you get the help you need.