So my girlfriend and I have been having a rough patch recently. She supports my fetish and does stuff for me to be satiated with it. I also have other kinks associated with this like whenever she eats too much she will burp for me or let me rub her stomach. However recently she has started to have a negative body image for herself and like wants to change drastically. I will always love and support her as she changes but like I like her the way she is with her stomach and all the videos she makes me. She says that like she still will make videos for me and stuff but like she wants me to limit some physical stuff because she feels insecure about it. How am I supposed to like something she does not like because of body image like it feels wrong. Part of me does not want her to change but part of me wants to support her. It doesn’t help that our relationship is kinda strained not being able to see each other for weeks so whenever we get the chance I can’t help but being horny. I have considered anti depressants to try and get rid of it through some kind of therapy so I can support my gf fully but I don’t wanna let go of my fetish idk it like is a part of me. Should I break up with her because I do not want to feed into her insecurity what should I say to her? Should I break up with her? anything would be appreciated.
Okay first of all… woof dude. She opens up to you about her feeling insecure about her body image and your thought is to break up with her…? Serious question; how old are you? This is immature thinking and not the right way to approach this.
First of all, she is your partner, so if she opens up to you about something and is showing vulnerability, then validate her feeling and comfort her. Let her talk about it. I can’t believe I have to say this… but don’t think about yourself (and your fetishes) first.
Communicate with her AFTER she fully opens up about how she feels, and then communicate GENTLY that you love her how she is and want to support her no matter her choices. THEN and ONLY THEN, do you bring up your feelings about how this may impact your sex lives and how you feel some concern.
Honestly, I feel bad for her. I’m not trying to make you feel bad here man but woof. She tells you that and it feels from your post that your first thought is “how does this impact ME?” Take a beat, support her, then communicate your feelings and concerns.
Best of luck.
No no like I didn’t mean it like in a bad way. Like it’s not that, I’m debating whether or not to like take antidepressants to try and like fix myself so my fetish isn’t extremely prevalent. I wouldn’t wanna break up with her for the sake of like me being selfish but like I don’t wanna feed into her insecurity I would just feel bad like supporting her but like fantasizing about the one thing she is starting to feel bad about. I by no means wanna like just break up for her because I’m a lustful person I’m just afraid of how it will affect how she looks at herself and like yeah as you mentioned sex life but like I wanna change for her if it means that she’ll be happy. Anti depressants in a perfect world would be a way I get rid of my fetish by CBT like I wanna support her. I’m not by any means the best partner and yeah I kinda feel bad for my girlfriend as well she was stuck with me but like I’ve been relatively lost.
You shouldn’t take anti-depressants to try and “fix yourself”. There’s a whole host of side effects that you could experience as well, and it may not even work. Don’t seriously consider that.
As for CBT, you might want to look into a sex (focused) therapist who can help you navigate some of this.
I also think your feelings and worries are very valid. It sounds like you’re worried about her body’s changes affecting you guys’ sexual chemistry, which is valid. Too often we rush to the defense of the other party without acknowledging that you’re allowed to have these thoughts and concerns. I don’t think it’s immature to not know what to do in a situation you’ve never been in before, especially when you post on an open forum looking for advice on something incredibly private.
What matters is how you address them. Like MandM says, it’s important to validate how your partner is feeling, but you’re in for a difficult conversation no matter what. You have to decide what you want. If you want a girl who isn’t insecure about her weight, eating, etc. Then you need to be honest with yourself.
If you really like her as much as you claim, and you think your sexual needs can still be met, then take that path. There’s no shame in fantasizing about something that won’t actually happen. That’s why it’s fantasy, so you don’t need to feel guilty for imagining her a certain way that she isn’t.
That being said, from what I know and have heard, if you’re fantasizing about it and have the opportunity to have that with someone else, then you may wind up having to end this relationship at some point if you find you’re not satisfied.
People always want to force compatability through empathy, but sometimes you can care about someone and acknowledge what they’re going through without having to stick around because you’d feel bad for ending things.
All in all, I’d take MandM’s advice and have a conversation about what she’s going through and really work to understand and validate what she’s experiencing. Then ease into discussion of your sexual compatability. But be honest, if you don’t think you’d be interested in her if she changes, then it may be best to end things, most importantly for her sake. No sense being in a relationship and months and months down the line she realizes you weren’t attracted to her this whole time. That’s gonna be worse for both of you.
I do think a sex therapist would be great. Whether we want to acknowledge it or not, it can be difficult for some men to deal with their sexual urges; so ideally they’d be able to help you navigate through it if you don’t want your sex drive to end this relationship for whatever reason.
We can’t know whether or not he’s actually comforted or communicated with her before ultimately considering breaking up with her. You’re writing as if he immediately started this thread after she told him she wanted to change, but for all we know, they could’ve been communicating about this matter (particularly her issue) ever since.
He even said that he would always love and support her as she changes, that alone, when said on a site like this (she’ll probably never see this post, so this is probably him being fully open and honest with us) carries enough weight to show that he deeply cares for her and her body image issue.
It seems to me like he’s attracted to very particular things, and getting rid of them will put him in a relationship where intimacy is severely limited. I wouldn’t judge anyone who’s worried about that, especially if it’s a serious, long term relationship. He’s just thinking “how can I stay in a relationship that I can’t sustain in the long term since I won’t be able to fulfill my needs without making her feel insecure? Is that even possible?”
Thinking about ending a relationship that you know you can’t sustain rather than letting it drag is by no means immature, it’s being responsible and considerate of both his and her time.
He shared that a part of him doesn’t want her to change. Those are his honest, inner feelings. He’s allowed to have and share those thoughts with us, and having them doesn’t make him a bad person. It’s ok if he’s worried about the situation and their future together.
Hell, he’s even considered taking drugs because he thought it might help him suppress/get rid of his fetish (which despite being a very silly notion, shows how devoted he is), how many guys do you know who would even consider that?
I am not a guy but I would