I posted this on another site, non fetish site, and wasnt completely satisfied with the responses. So I’ll try posting it here to my fellow fetishers and your your thoughts on it; I remember some of you here mentioned you were asexual, or that your not sure of your sexuality so this post is mostly directed those people.
How does one truly know whether they’re asexual, straight, gay or bi without experience/exploring/experimenting? Is it just based on retrospection? Do es everyone here just deduce based on past events? But what if those events are vague?
What I’m saying is what if you just have a very low sex drive because of some underlying issue? I mean how do we properly distinguish the two?
And what if you have a fetish for one gender or a fetish that doesn’t discriminates?
I’ve never gotten an erection, outside of my fetish and have explored only the straight side of the spectrum, but have never gotten an erection for anything other than the fetish, Ive managed to stimulate myself through mental simulation, of course with fetish as the main prod. But when it came to the real thing, my private when flaccid ‘‘faster than a Rabbit gets…’’ If you the reference. lol
But I went and tried again 2 more times. well technically 1 other time. The 3rd I was thinking of was just having the person sit in my lap. Which didnt ignite any feeling or anything either times.
So now I wonder, if I were to explore the other side, would I enjoy it or regret it? Can I tell without actually experiencing it? Will my negative subconscious thought brought on by the cultural stigma experienced through my development, repress the true feelings?
I feel like i’m kinda in the same situation where i’m not fully sure where i’m at. I maybe not have any experience with it, but I also never had the urge really.
I also avoid “actual” porn videos. I tried it when I was experimenting at a younger age (now 28), but it ain’t just my thing. Even just naked women, it just doesnt hit me. I don’t know if it’s just a “you just don’t know cause you haven’t tried it” or not. Maybe i’m just not a sex kinda guy. Maybe I just want cuddles lol
as someone who only recently started exploring both sides (now identify as pan) and used to think the only real way I was turned on was through the fetish with women, therapy helped me dispel a lot of the anxiety around sex and self-shame about the fetish. i used to feel more than nothing when guys burped - id feel like i had to be intensely grossed out by it. not only is the fetish just a connection between being turned on and something that isnt necessarily “sexual” but its totally natural to form connections. personally, i know a lot of the girls/guys at school would burp right when i was becoming sexually aware - seems pretty natural that a connection could form there. i still get anxious about the idea of arousal outside of the fetish and expectations from a partner, but thats informed by society. there’s a lot of expectations that are reinforced by media around sex and it can make it seem super important to perform. and like you mentioned, those ideas can make it really hard to explore feelings outside of the “usual” - aka a confidently straight dude who likes chicks and can pop a boner on command when theyre with a chicj lol. but i do feel much more connected with being aroused and have dreams about intimate stuff with people outside of the fetish. after i was able to realize why i was so anxious, i realized when i was with women before and didnt even feel turned on, it was because i really needed to trust them with my identity and body before i could get out of my head. i think trust can be a big element of sex that people like to gloss over.
what im trying to say is exploring was the only way for me to realize that i was forcing down a huge part of myself by being ashamed of the fetish and shutting myself off from being turned on by people other than women. instead of being disgusted when a guy burped, i tried to be curious and just see how it made me feel. i also tried dating a guy and while it didnt work out i can confidently say it wasnt because i wasnt able to have a connection with a guy, it was because we just didnt connect on an emotional level, which i know now is important for me. having a fetish is perfectly natural and just a connection. you may find that by exploring youll find out a lot more about yourself and be happier in the process
know this is a lot, but typing this out helps me too lol
As an asexual, I never found people sexually attractive. Tbh the only reason I found that I’m asexual is when my mother kept asking me the usual questions “like do you see any girls you like” in high school and the answer was always “no”. So it came to point where it was so frequent that I did a Google search and in two searches I found “asexual” and that’s what stuck with me. For all my life I’ve never felt that feeling people described and I’m 25 yrs old and I still haven’t felt that.
As far as my fetish, my main one I stumbled upon around sophomore year in high school. There was some type of commercial that featured pec bouncing and I was sucked in rabbit hole since lol , now that and burping (I found I was into that a few years ago) are the only things that get me off. Sometimes to find new content I’d have to go to other sites and gay porn /JO videos are the most searched and just seeing those thumbnails turn me off. So for me there wasn’t any experiment needed ya know, it’s what I like. Somehow if there’s any chance of it changing then so be it but as of right now my feelings haven’t changed.
Well for the longest time, I tried my hardest to not be gay, I had a lot of shame about the idea bcs of the negative stigmas around it. I knew I was into guys burping but I just tried to separate it in my mind.
Traditional porn has never appealed to me and if anything it repulsed me. I’ve never really been turned on by a naked guy really. It was after I went online and looked it up that it really resonated me that I was possibly asexual.
It felt like my brain was wired different, You hear people talk about sex all the time but it was always different for me. It was never something I was super into, and being a virgin didn’t bother me the older I got.
After awhile I accepted that I was gay, but I’ll admit I did find women burping to be replusive for a long time but then out of curiosity I did start to watch a couple videos and I’ve actually enjoyed some of them after getting over the initial sight of seeing a girl burp and just listening to the quality I was able to enjoy it a lot more.
I was even able to see some of the things that turned me on seeing guys do. I wouldn’t say I’m attracted to women but I do find them attractive in certain circumstances.
To answer your question, I think its mostly self reflection combined with past experiences to try and see what it is you like and don’t like. Its ok to experiment and if you end up liking it fine, if not that’s also fine.
I’ve found there’s two different ways that people experience sexuality. Some immediately know what they like while some have to experiment. It used to confuse me when people said stuff like ‘I don’t know what I like since I haven’t tried anything yet’. I’ve instinctively known what I like for as long as I’ve been able to like anything. But I suppose we’re all just different like that.
Fetishes also seem to be on the same kind of scale that exists with for example straight/bisexual/gay. So most people don’t like burping at all, some people like it but can still get turned on with regular stuff, and some people solely like burping. I think everyone here will be somewhere different along that scale.
