I’ve been hoping to indulge in the fetish irl lately, but I back out every time I have the chance to do so.
I’m fine telling trusted individuals about the fetish, so I can imagine opening up to a partner about it. But even if they were accepting and eager to fulfill it, I feel like I’d be too embarrassed/uncomfortable to do so with them? I can easily see myself being one of those girls who never burps/farts around their partner and expects the same treatment in return, though I feel like that’d make me unhappy.
Is this a result of trust issues? Shame? Just a preference for keeping kink stuff private? I don’t know.
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Hi, gay male here, my relationship with this kink is kinda weird. I find burps and farts really hot and , at the same time, gross and inappropriate as hell. I have a love/hate relationship with these kinks specifically.
Not only that, but I loathe, potty humor and witnessing any person burping or farting loudly and unapologetically or nonchalantly, absolutely ruins my image of that person. I just hate burps and farts, and I’m 100% sure it has to do with my dad being gross and rude when I was little. I’m also kind of uptight, and I’m the sort of person who enjoys classy environments and proper etiquette.
In summary, it really turns me on when men are being pigs, but I would truly despise that behavior coming from any future partner. I’m not judging, but those relationships where couples are comfortable being purposely gross in front of each other, are definitely not for me.
I have friends both straight and LGBT who report that, after over 10 years of being in a relationship, they have yet to hear their SO burping or farting, so it’s certainly possible to respect each other’s boundaries and just avoid being gross in front of your partner, I want that for me, at least for now.
Edit: Again I’m not judging, anyone is free to live their lives as they please, if you and your partner are comfortable and happy being gross in front of each other I think that’s great as long as you love each other and both parties feel good about it.
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What is your actual relationship to the fetish? Maybe if you explained if you feel shameful or weird about it and what you like about it, it would be easier to understand your apprehension about trying it irl.
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Thanks so much for the input, I can definitely relate to some of the things you mentioned. I do think I want a relationship where I can be “gross” with a partner, maybe just “tastefully” so? I’m someone who can be pretty uptight, too (maybe I just take myself too seriously at the end of the day). I love burping and farting but I also value politeness in general and definitely don’t admire people who do or joke about those things openly in public, around people they don’t know well, etc.
There are totally situations where it makes more sense to leave the fetish out of a relationship (and I can imagine that it’d be really frustrating to incorporate it in your case, considering that type of behavior could completely change your view of a partner). I’m probably going to think more about the type of relationship I’d prefer (“clean” vs. “dirty” lol) and consider the boundaries between what’s comfortable and uncomfortable more closely.
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I actually don’t think I’m very ashamed of the fetish itself per se, but I think I’ve gotten very used to ignoring people who burp out of fear of seeming weird for having any emotional response to it, perhaps? When friends burp around me, I always react as little as I can, and it’s hard to imagine doing anything else even though some of them know about my fetish. (I even find myself not knowing how to respond sometimes when fellow fetishists online burp for me, too, even though I really love it… I act like I want to move on from it as quickly as possible or fail to acknowledge it to avoid akwardness.) Maybe explicitly drawing attention to it is what makes me uncomfortable.
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I’m not sure I have advice for you, this is a pretty tricky and personal issue that’ll likely take a lot of internal work and external play to work through, but I can give you my expereince since I was in a similar place like a year ago.
A big turning point for my relationship with the fetish was finding an online friend (maybe bordering on FWB) who knew about my fetish and liked seeing my reaction. They were the first person to make me confront how I would react with another person who could see and hear me and call me out and that kind of flipped something that made it easier to express how excited I felt rather than just hiding my reaction.
Ultimately, I think you just have to continue putting yourself out there and seeing how it feels to play with different people, especially ones who want to get a reaction out of you. But I do think trying to build stronger connections to play partners can be important to. I’m at a point now where I feel comfortable telling basically anybody about my fetish pretty much right out the gate, but I only got there because I was able to explore with people I trusted and really liked. But it can also feel like I’m giving a vulnerable part of myself to people before I know how much I really like them which can make me really anxious. My biggest advice is to A. seek out people you’re actually excited to play with and B. don’t back out. It might even be helpful to talk about these feelings with a play partner so they can help you work through it together.
Really wishing you the best of luck
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