There’s a camgirl I have been speaking to for a while, and I’ve noticed I have kept switching between genuine interest in being with her and acceptance that it would never happen and is utterly unrealistic. Before anyone says anything about it being weird, I should mention that we both know each other’s real names, and we both know a fair amount about each other’s personal lives, and she has stated on a number of occasions that she has genuine interest in me. I want to keep talking with her but also don’t want to do anything that would be hurtful either. I guess my question is, has anyone else here had experiences similar to this, and how did you handle it?
Speaking as someone who is dating someone she met from a cam session: If the porn girl wants to get with you, she will ask you out.
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Not quite the same thing but I once had a crush on a (relatively popular for a specific niche) vtuber/fetish-twitter personality that went through a lot of ups and downs but it did lead to a lot of kinky virtual sex and them traveling to my city to hang out for a day. Kind of fell apart because we were looking for different things, but the point is stuff can happen. I know stuff like that can feel a little “thinking the stripper actually likes you” but it’s good to know sometimes things do work out and go interesting places. I think it’s worth pursuing as long as she seems comfortable and interested.
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I would just advise being a little nonchalant about it, don’t make it a big spectacle like “I’m in love with you” or anything - express yourself sincerely but don’t make it more difficult for the person to say no. If the consequences of saying “no” seem too great it creates an awkward situation for them. This advice goes for asking anyone out. I think it has to be like “hey I like you and wanna hangout some more, but it’s all good if you’re not interested”, and not “you complete me” lol
Honestly if she’s a camgirl she might be more used to getting asked out by clients than you think. Probably not a big deal to just ask. Also don’t do anything weird if she says no of course lol, that’s probably the biggest risk I’d imagine for a sex worker dealing with clients developing feelings. It’s not just “no I’m not interested” it’s also “oh fuck is this guy gonna do something if I say no?”. Don’t even insinuate that you won’t do anything weird, like don’t say “I won’t stalk you or anything” - bad vibes lmao. You could just say like “no worries, wanna respect your boundaries.”
Idk I’ve never developed feelings for a camgirl but that’d be how I’d do it I guess.
I’m not really sure what the right thing to do here is. On one hand, I do care about her, and she is one of the only people I have that actually gives enough of a damn about me to listen to what I have to say and actually remembers me. But on the other hand, we live on separate continents and don’t speak the same language. I don’t know; maybe it would be better if I tried someone closer to where I’m at. We also mostly talk in private, so there is probably some financial aspect here as well, but she often stays on with me for sometimes an hour after I run out of tokens. So she basically is losing money talking with me. She has also told me that she is interested in me, but I don’t know if everything is really checking out. I think there are a number of things going on that are giving me mixed signals. And I don’t want to keep pursuing someone if she’s not interested. On a side note, how did you meet the VTuber? A lot of the VTubers I’ve seen look like they would be fun to know. I’m an incredibly nerdy guy, so there would probably be some common ground at least. Lol
Try not buying her stuff for a while and check if she’s still interested in chatting. That should tell you whether she’s legitimately interested or not.
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I agree with Q that the transactional aspect does shift things. I imagine it’s better for business to give customers a little extra just to feel valued. But camgirls are people and it’s totally possible she can have feelings for you. I think the best thing is just to have a direct conversation about how you’re feeling just to clarify things.
As for the situation I had…
I saw their fursona design on Twitter and thought it was cool and then saw they did v-tubing with it as a 3D avatar (and that they burped a crazy amount). There was never a monetary dynamic, but I started sending them fan art and some roleplay audios that they enjoyed and we went to DMs and eventually hanging out in VRC and even more eventually one time IRL. But probably not a common way for that kind of thing to go and even that was an incredibly rocky situation. Ultimately, I really reccomend trying to get close to people in your own community rather than forming semi-parasocial connections with internet personalities
Yeah, I agree it is probably healthier to try to meet someone in my area. I have a question about that, actually. And I’m sorry if this is a dumb question. And I know this might not be the right place to ask this. As a man, I believe my perspective might be limited here. But do people care if I have a job? I’ve always kind of assumed that when a woman looks at her dating options, whether I’m making money would be taken into consideration to some degree. For better or worse, it’s difficult to build a future in this world without money. I apologize if I didn’t word this well.
Just to be clear, which is it you’re most unsure about: whether or not you should tell her you have feelings, or whether or not she’ll be honest if she affirms your feelings? Cuz if you’re concerned she’ll take advantage of your feelings for financial gain that’s a different story.
I’m not a man, but I think having a job would probably be helpful for dating. But I also think having money shouldn’t be the primary concern. We don’t live in a world where women marry as a financial proposition. You should have money and the person you’re dating should have money. But it’s probably bad to have a relationship where your job is to financially provide for your partner and I worry that the camgirl dynamic could lean into that. However, I don’t have a job and have a wonderful relationship with another woman. But it would be a lot better if I did have a job… (problematic employment gap relationship is not ideal)
For sure! And I wouldn’t want anyone to be with me if she didn’t want to be, nor would I want someone to feel financially dependent on me, and I think at this point it feels wrong talking with this camgirl like that. Love can’t be bought. She has been wonderful to me, but I should try to find someone to talk to that doesn’t depend on whether I have money. I think keeping this going would be unfair to me and her, and she deserves something more than what I can provide. Next month I’m going to try to get my IT certification again. Maybe I’ll see if there’s any speed dating or something like that near me after I’m certified.